aries: my children will not eat chicken until they are mentally prepared to eat it off the bone. we must end the nuggification of American culture.
taurus: i will teach u how 2 get high off passionfruit coulis
gemini: i’m hard prep with a soft grunge heart & a tropical goth aura
cancer: i wonder if the barista knows i have experienced every possible human emotion in the 20 minutes i’ve been sat here drinking this americano
leo: I was trying to copy the older guys at my local spa who wear their gold chains in the sauna but mine got rly hot & burned me badly
virgo: I only drink the finest wine and I only watch the finest Harlem Shake videos. please don’t send me links to trash- my palette is refined
libra: Look upon my prettiness, ye Motherfuckers, and despair!
scorpio: I HAVE WORKED MY ASS OFF TO GET WHERE I AM TODAY & I DESERVE MY DROID BUTLER
sagittarius: don’t make decisions late at night (ur tired) or in the morning (ur high on coffee) or the afternoon (ur tired) or the evening (dinner time)
capricorn: a write once asked me what I’d say if I ever met my biggest hater. I paused, thought deeply and said, “probably ‘suk a dog dik, motherfucker'”
aquarius: u say “I don’t give a fuk” but u merely desire 2 not give a fuk. When ur last fuk is truly given, a wave of silent euphoria will wash over u
pisces: is it more goth 2 wear a black band-aid or 2 leave the wound exposed?